Clark’s doctor made a funny comment the other day. When we were talking about the bone marrow transplant process, she mentioned that one of us would need to join Clark in isolation when he is getting his bone marrow transplant. So I asked how parents putting a child through a BMT typically cope with 2 children. She then said that siblings would not be allowed in isolation (due to the risk of viruses and bacteria), and that most parents simply divide the responsibilities and each take a child.
This prompted me to ask a simple but important question: who in the family goes to work in this scenario?
She looked stunned for a moment, and then recovered and asked if we had a family member that could watch our older son during the day. I replied that we have no family living in the state. She then asked if we had a nanny or daycare. No to both; Beth is a stay at home mom, which is how we survive on one income.
This apparently was too much for her. She said that many families go through this, and they somehow “manage”, and that we would be fine.
I assume by “manage”, she means “go bankrupt”, as medical expenses are the single leading cause of bankruptcy filings in the US. While I would gladly take the role of watching my 3 year old son full time, someone has to go to work and keep the medical insurance current. The costs with medical insurance are surprisingly high – I can’t imagine going through this without insurance.
But what was really surprising, is the disconnect between those providing medical insurance, and the individuals receiving this insurance. Even car insurance has become smart enough to realize that when your current car is out of service, you may need to be covered for a loaner car – and hence they provide a mechanism to pay for this.
When it comes to medical insurance, if the parent responsible for watching your children isn’t available – you are on your own. I almost wonder if the people who come up with this coverage all have nannies and full time daycare, and never think that there would be a scenario where a parent might stay home and watch multiple children. It’s clear the medical industry doesn’t have a clue about this. Even our “assigned” medical insurance social worker was at a loss.
In the end we have been pointed to a website that allows us to hire a caretaker for our oldest boy. Daycare isn’t an option, as we can’t have Connor exposed to sickness, unless we want to keep the boys separated for 8-12 months. Costs for a nanny would be in the neighborhood of $3200 a month. Can you imagine paying this out of the current budget you have? We can’t.
It is clear the system is very broken. I’m sure every parent who goes through this type of situation probably thinks the same. But until you do go through this, there is no way to conceive of what a real medical emergency looks like.
And I suspect this is why the system remains broken.